It is the new years’. Everyone is out there. You could hear the noises from the apartments above. There seems to be a party going on. There is music reaching my ears from different directions fusing into an unbearable noise. It is freezing out there, 0′c. I wonder why people brave this cold to celebrate an year less in their lives, thought Vidushi to herself standing at the porch of her house. She was laid off at work 3 months ago. She was a diligent employee. But life hasn’t been so kind to her. Money is running out. Her family tried to support her. She refused any help.
I feel the piping hot chocolate gushing down my throat. It warms up my body. I see a line of cars in the parking lot from the porch. It almost feels like everyone wants to be displaced today. Far across a dog is playing by himself. Poor chap maybe cold too. Its been months since I have given time to myself, she thinks. This hustle of moving to bigger and better life has made me realize the importance of a pause. Or it is just the only option I have right now. Two dudes just walk by in front of her house. They were smoking. They look a bit high. Or maybe I am just observing too much. Far across in the sky, lasers from some distant club could be clearly seen. There is a siren blowing out from an ambulance too. The city is in a mess, she concludes.
The lasers in the sky stop flashing. As if the raindrops from the sky stopped falling down. In the very next second, a firecracker illuminates the whole sky. The colors of the firecracker light up the sky like a candle in a dark room. There is a loud cheer. The dog begins to howl, giving his voice to the cheer. It must be midnight. I check my watch. Indeed it is 00:00. My phone begins to buzz. There are messages and calls. I put it on silent. Incidentally, I am at my last sip of the hot chocolate. This was fun. I don’t see any reason to ponder into nothingness anymore. I feel sleep kicking in too.
As the cold makes me shiver, I tread my way back, into my room. I shut all the lights. I put the cup on the sink and prepare to dive into my bed. The heater in the room is just at the right temperature. The sheets on the bed and the pillow engulfs me. My eyes are heavy from all the job hunting in the day. Much from the rejections, I’d say. As I begin to think about rejections, I get up very slowly. I need to pee. I am sitting on the seat and counting the number of emails of rejection. 17 emails! That’s a lot. I could still hear the sound of water. I must have drank too much fluids. I applied to 17 companies! And all of them thought I was not worthy “this time”. I realize that I might have applied to more than 17 companies today itself. I check my phone. Yeah I got this habit peeing with it. 36, 37 and this one too, 38. I realize I am still peeing. How long have been peeing. Should be more than 3-4 minutes. This is not normal. Is my body loosing all the fluids. I check the commode, just yellow. Phew! I think I should force my water tubes to close. So I did. I leave the lights open and the next thing I see is the pillow below my head.
I think I was way too sleepy to encounter what I just did. Or was it a dream. As I was contemplating this, I felt my body washing away. Like a river. I gather my gut and manage to stay in a piece. Still I could feel fluidity of my body. Let me move my hand. It feels like I’m moving my hand in water. Although it does reach my intended destination. I don’t know how to swim. Thankfully, I don’t feel like drowning. I think this is a dream. I force myself to consciousness by trying to open my eyes as hard as I can. There I am laying on my bed. So it was a dream. I check the light of bathroom. It is turned on. So the peeing incident was not a dream.
I take a few deep breaths and begin to calm my mind. All of this thinking has made my hands so cold. And now I am just trying to sleep. I recollect, an application, I sent today, was not meant for my experience. They wanted someone junior than I am. I realize its morning already. I step out of the house to take a fresh breath of air. I walk around to get my breakfast from nearest diner. But instantly the place does not feel familiar. It looks like I am in a new city. There is a long road. Empty. There is a lot of dust. The weather is too hot. The first thing that comes to my mind is that I need to stop getting these dreams. But it seems this time it may not be. I see buses going back and forth. There is a bus stop too. I look at my phone and Google Maps guides me to take bus 42. Get down after 3 stops. That’s fairly close to my house. A road so empty near my house, interesting! Luckily bus 42 can be seen racing towards the bus stop. I get up from the bench at the bus stop and wave at the bus. I get inside the bus and it moves. I feel that I should take a day off from my job hunt. After all, it is the first day of the year.
Two stops have passed and I get down at the third bus stop. The road is still empty. I feel clueless. I check Google Maps for the directions to my home and it says 6 stops ahead. I take a deep sigh. I cross the road and find the bus 42 just passing besides me. My patience has given up. I see a faucet. I rush to splash my face with some water. I fill my hands and close my eyes. I splash my face thrice. The water is cold and it takes away a bit of my pain and frustration. The cold splash quickly turn my body very cold, almost into a fluid. Oh dear lord! It was indeed a dream. I try to move my hands and it feels like I am in swimming pool again. I try to crunch my guts but I cannot get out of this fluidity. There a lot of numbers rushing through my eyes this time. Like the Matrix movie. My head seems to find this fascinating. But now I really need to sleep. So I just try to float in this pool of thoughts.
I open my eyes. It is 9:00 AM. The light of the bathroom is turned off. There is no cup on the sink.
Undulating life 