Bitter-to-sweet goodbye!

It takes a lion’s heart to start a conversation and break the ice. It takes even more to say goodbye to a loved one.

Life is such a puzzle. It makes the bitter sweet and takes a second to transform a sweet to bitter. I believe, it’s an art to be comfortable with anyone. The awkwardness at the start probably kills the brain with million thoughts. The courage then kicks in and you begin to familiarize. And there you go. There is connection, be it in a stranger in train, a jaywalking person inquiring directions, a distant relative’s visit etc. In every instance, the connect is possibly the most essential part. The deeper the connect, the longer you have known and the ease becomes effortless. Yet nothing stays forever and there are goodbyes.

I have spent a part of my childhood dealing with goodbyes. I used to live in a joint family. Relatives and friends would keep visiting and keep the house in a jovial mode. But when they used leave, it would devastate me. I, in my usual self would keep thinking about the good times. Sometimes, I would loathe the happy moments cause they would make me feel sick once they end. But that was childhood. You pass most things being helpless about it. Or you wait until you grow up.

Skip past all these years. I started to realize the extremity of this problem. I think at some stage we all do. One of my close friends changed class sections and that was it. I had enough. I started this game of fooling my mind. It’s a pretty simple one. We have done it with children while feeding them. You play with the brain and the brain accepts it. Most of the times, you know that you will leave someone. (NO! THIS POST IS NOT ABOUT BREAK-UPS) The only thing is the belief and the thought of being at a distance. To realize this thought, you may fool your mind to start believing of the distance before the actual goodbye. Now the tricky thing is to not act aloof. That would end you up in another trouble. Once the mind feels the goodbye, the thoughts are accustomed and the impact is deferred.

It is said that time can heal everything. A time travel can make the healing quick. A mind travel can do that even quicker. Its been sometime that the trick helped me out. College friends, colleagues and family, every goodbye was smooth. I don’t think I have become cold-hearted to the one’s who have left. Neither do I call myself strong. Yet I think I have got used to the change coming to rescue me from my comfort zone. And every uncomfortable day teaches you more about the present.Because living in the past as well as the future both can ruin your life.

—————————–Post Script————————————

I know I have not written for a long time. And the comeback post is on ‘goodbyes’. Although it’s not a million-follower blog, I am not closing the blog. I was just busy with some heart-felt goodbyes in the past few months. I am hoping to write on more topics. I do this great activity of capturing a thought whenever it passes my mind. I just write the thought somewhere and once I open the blog, it flows in. I feel this is a great activity to calm a mind. Writing can destress a lot. An instance of this was when I  logged into the blog after 3 months and read the last post. It was such a bliss. I fell in love with my intellect and thought to start this second innings of Undulating Life.

How adulthood thugs you life

Some things are certain in life like the Christmas being peaceful every year , the new year with family, no major changes in the new year so on and so forth. On the other hand there certain things which do not have a specific time of arrival. They can hit you tomorrow or can make you wait for years. One such thing according to me is Adulthood.

Adolescence is a sweet phase. You learn so many things. You have so many questions.  You get the answers to those questions easily. Life is wound around few trivial stuff which seem magnanimous. The control of your life may not be much in your hands but it remains well within the reach. You seem to know that in sometime you will be independent. The pinnacle for which you were taught so many things.

And then adolescence ends. It is the time when people know that you are no longer an adolescent. People also have known your adolescent nature and secretly expect some changes. Even though a person would not have a specific time when he goes through the transition. The reasons could be a relationship, a family tragedy, a failed exam anything. But it happens with everyone.

Life is never the same. The problem creater is now the solver. His words are heeded not to give answers but to get answers. His ways of getting everyone’s attention changes. That is what some of us had craved throughout our adolescent lives. Yet something is lost in a way. Something that was never valued previously. Something that never seemed to have any use. Something that was considered the definition of living – Balance.

Since the ship has got a new captain it is not the captain who mostly drives it, it is the sea which takes it to places. When there is sun the captain is busy making new ventures on the ship. When the rain gods roar the captain is on the steering wheel trying to fight the sea’s ways. The captain always waits for the weather to be clear. He keeps waiting because he has known a world where the sun rises bright one day.

Unknown to the sea the captain fights hard. Yet there are instances when the captain feels he has had enough. He wants to break free from the captain’s role where people expect more than they should. More importantly, the definition to the captain role is different for everyone. For some it remaining calm and serious. For some it is to beat the sea at its game. And that makes adulthood even more challenging period. This sometimes leads to a situation when you want it to get over because you don’t want hear anything. Much like this scene.

Unlike the scene in the movie there is no situation where you can say OVER! There is no stop or pause button either. The misery will never end. Some day you will get accustomed to it and begin to enjoy it. That is when I suppose adulthood arrives. Until then the sea remains the master and you remain at the receiving end.

One of the best acted scenes

Of late I have started to watch all the classic movies of English cinema. I know I am lagging behind most of you but I will catch-up fast. My lappy is stuffed with hundreds of movies and that has started to bother me now. So I begin to make use of each movie ranging from It’s a wonderful life (1946) to Rocky to Godfather Series . In a week or two I was overwhelmed by the quality of story, acting and cinematography. I will post my reviews later of each of the movies. Every movie is a sheer brilliance. Its like appreciating a generation of legends. I believe everyone has a chart of movies in their head which one keeps updating. Mine has gone through multiple updates. Though these movies could not move Shawshank Redemption, which I saw in 2011, from top of the charts.

Frankly, I am an inbuilt critic of not just movies but of anything and everything. I remember my friends teasing me for calling an adventure ride too the middle of that ride *hides*. In fact, movies give you a little more liberty. A freedom to express how I received the movie although it might be telling a different tale completely. It is said that the most difficult thing to follow is to simply things. To communicate in the most simplest terms is an art. And as the simplification gets more effortless the beauty of that art gets more profound. So is with cinema. You should convey your thoughts in the most effortless way.

One such pioneers of Hollywood industry was Ford Coppola, the director of The Godfather series.  The Godfather is considered as one the finest movies by all around the world. For those who have no clue about the movie, it depicts the story of an Italian mafia’s rise in America. The first part of the series is encapsulated by Marlon Brando’s acting. For anyone who recognizes Marlon Brando would think of Don Corlene as soon as he/she sees Marlon. His suave voice and his calm demeanor stood out throughout the movie. I had always heard of Marlon Brando and he seemed to exceed my expectations. Yet Godfather seemed to create a breeding ground for something more phenomenal – The Godfather-II. A legend in the making was Al Pacino. The Godfather-II nurtured and accredited Al Pacino for his classic acting.

Al Pacino carried the same poise that Marlon Brando did. He even bettered in the sense that he created a sense of fear with his calmness. Throughout the movie with extremely simplistic expression he conveyed a varied levels of expressions. But there is one scene which stands class apart. Because when someone watches a movie very rare does it happen that someone acting is highlighted automatically, unless it is really bad. In the scene, Al Pacino as an actor could be quantified.

He is an acting mafia and has a messed up family relations. While he was away he came to know about his wife’s miscarriage and he feels guilty for ruining his relation with wife further. He tries with all might to keep the family intact because everything else seems to pass from his hands. He is frustrated but never shows it openly. He is a Don and he only orders. The scene here opens where he is trying to convince his wife that everything can be sorted out. Micheal, as he is called in the movie, thinks Don and asks her what can done in lieu of settling things.  But his wife has made up her mind and insists on leaving along with the children. The Don retaliates saying he would use all force to not let that happen and is pretty sure of keeping the children. Al Pacino can be distinctly seen with hubris in his voice and his body language. At 00:47 you see how, from a pompous man he changes to a completely reasonable person. The dialogues too show sympathy. At 01.18 another shift to a man who shows promise. His eyes filled with passion and a vision for future. He talks of the change and how he knows that he has the strength to change everything, which is fair assumption from a anyone’s point of view. And then comes the deal breaker from his wife Kay. She informs him that the miscarriage was actually an abortion. This strikes as thunder to the Don who had been blaming himself for an event which was someone else’s deliberate deed. Adding to the injury she rebukes him and refuses his benevolence. At 01.57 I could see shame in his eyes for having misjudged an event and for having felt guilty for the miscarriage. His wife unaffected by him keeps on blowing her trumpet. At 02.08 the Micheal seems to find his world tearing into pieces. And he seems to gather these pieces as he looks back up. Kay is still ranting her heart with even more vigor. At 02.27  Micheal begins to outrage in fury. His wrath is so engulfing that the his chin begins to flinch. His eyes are open wide with rage. His mind is full of thoughts and violence. He is finding strength to control himself. All this is so gripping that you feel like hiding somewhere. But his wife is a brave women and she becomes the statue of truth. Honesty is good yet it should have its limit, which is what poor Kay could not understand. Meanwhile the Don is waiting for the cords to snap. And there you go. In a fit of rage, he lungs towards her and gives in to the pressure building in his head. Its as if his actions were involuntary. Soon after he finds himself and regains his senses which are still rushing with hot blood. Still shivering he commands her not to mess with his children. When the hot blood circulates back to the head he shouts saying the same words again like a ill-tempered lunatic. Woah !!! Goosebumps.. 3 minutes of headrush…silence..


I read that he was a method actor. It seems that he might have used that skill in this scene. Because nobody could have done it better. Every scene now appears mediocre. A new list breaker is created. The best acted scenes. Let us step aside for the exquisite 3 minutes of marvel.


A lethal combination

The world today is moving fast. Every second million thoughts are born and they are materialized subsequently. And these new ideas are being vented out in the form of a new revolution – Startups. This new term has caught the eye of every single person who has big aspirations. In a sense it is a place for absolute meritocracy, where the good flourishes and the mediocre meets an end. Hordes join Startups and even greater numbers are in the making. A good idea with a good team may sound the perfect combination to make it big, but I am no expert. Possibly a lot more goes into fusing a good combination but those things are not visible to a human eye. I happened to experience a combination recently which is by far lethal in every sense.

To a common man a lethal combination could be USA and Russia fighting as a team, Roger federer and Rafael Nadal playing doubles, Steve Jobs and Bill Gates starting a new venture and even Whatsapp merged into Facebook. Similarly to some Royal blue with beige is an exquisite combo and to some ice-cream and cola. All these combinations can be regarded as good but they are not lethal. A bunch of techies putting their life into a startup might come close to being deadly, but when these frustrated individuals are given a piece of enjoyment that’s lethal.

70 startup junkies at their only party in the year when are laced with alcohol and a dance floor to rock, took it to the next level at a nearby bar. They have worked their ass out for the delivery of a product which might stand in Zuckerberg’s way in becoming the richest guy. All the sleepy nights, all the power discussions have burned down and now its the time for them to let their guards down. Let the pain of bearing every client’s abuse go into every shot of vodka and every beat of DJ. The music gets loud and these innocent souls are going all over the places in the bar. The alcohol seems to detoxify everything. The DJ is scared to not adhere to any of the request from these junkies would mean a massacre. Wild party moves are entertaining the people out there for a quick dinner. For them its a live comedy show watching dancers of varied quality. The bartender is busy filling in the glasses with fancy drinks. And everyone seems to loosen up the usual monotony. One thing that sneaks out of everyone’s eyes is that these junkies are bearing the agony of not only working hard and not being much appreciated for it but also are missing out on a fair number of opposite sex.

Enter 3 hot chicks. The only girls in the startup who realize that they were born with not-so-boyish attributes. Its their day to let the founder know how messed up the sex ratio is in the startup. They have done away with spectacles and have donned beautiful gowns. Two of their teammates bypass the girls to be strangers. Yes, the alcohol can give you such magical moments. Until someone on the dance floor recognizes them. And the crowd goes berserk. For any song that is played now is dedicated to the girls. If the DJ plays “Unchi wali heels pehen ke dance basanti” (literal translation – Dance wearing high heels), everyone pretends that these basantis are wearing high heels and they make them dance. Insane !! With every song the antiques get innovative after all they are creaters of the next big thing. Their energy seem to never drain cause they were prepared for bigger marathons and this is just a cakewalk.

I wonder how amusing can some combinations be in life. How things that we never thought of come into existence and bring in the inevitable change. How these inexpressive incidents take the form of words and make a story. Its these little unusual joys and thoughts that make and break life. A toast to another happy day! and many more to come.

Wondering about them I take a leave from the bar, thanking my stars that I am not working at such a place.

Premonition – My simile

This scene is something what I can say is the present order of my life. A scene which defines it completely with every detail. I’m sure everyone has seen the epitome of love stories – “Titanic”. For the ones who haven’t – My sympathies will walk you back to your cocoon.

Its so amazing when a movie captures your past with great sincerity. It is even mesmerizing when you know it will reenact the present as well as the future. Just look closely into Rose’s eyes, filled with so many desires and plans. She has everything settled in her head. Passion, confidence and hope through those shimmering eyes makes a dejected Jack believe of what Rose has in future for him. He finds the very thought of this newly found dream crazy. Yet they know it. A perfect simile where you have a chimera making you do all sorts of nasty things. Just like Rose, you catch hold of your destiny and infuse it with your beliefs. How you want to just make it believe that it will be how I think. And how it keeps showing you your dreams as bizarre illusions. Oh poor Rose!! My admiration for your trust is beyond horizons.

While you are busy creating your ethereal space, while the Almighty in reality like Mr Murdoch(1.33.39 in the video) is sniggering at this happy scene. A surprise awaits their joyful lives. If someone is watching Titanic for the first time it one nail biting scene. And just like the expression on Frederick Fleet‘s face (in the featured image at the top), you know how the next phase is going to be. You have a premonition. This is what I have now.

I can see the iceberg. I have the bells and phones. The captain has started to rudder the ship away. The lower gates have been closed. Yet I fear the fate. For once let the iceberg move its way and let the dock present a rosy welcome. For this is what I been waiting for some time. For Kate knows nothing but to love Jack. Cause I know everytime there comes this iceberg, the titanic hits it. It is so painful to see the titanic sink and with it the most illustrious love story too. There are many ships let the iceberg sink those this time. Alas!

The winds have started to blow, cause it is that time of year which is real slow.

The captain is ready to sail, yet the premonition prevails.

Mr Murdoch has his hands on the bell, cause he wants everything to end well. 

Enchanting the icebergs to fail, yet the premonition prevails.

Impediments, hardships the titanic will hack, for its Rose to meet her Jack.

Not every time will I derail, let the premonition be pale.



Amusing babies

Recently I discovered how much I am inept in handling babies. My nephew was born a few months back, so I paid him a surprise visit. Much to my surprise I was struck by the reality that babies are pretty annoying. They can be unpredictable. They can be noisy. Apart from the heart warming smile there is nothing in a baby that excites me.

A trend that is emerging amongst today’s parents is – naming the baby with some really innovative names. My nephew is named Krevi. It took me 4 repetitions to get the pronunciation right. Obviously my brother and his wife were giving me tough looks by this time. The baby was calmly resting on my brother’s lap. And to smoothen the air around, my brother got up to hand the baby over to me. BAD MOVE !! My head started ringing with sirens saying “Mission abort. I repeat. Please return. I repeat”. Alas!

Now a beautiful thing about babies is that they need entertainment of the most weird sorts. They will keep staring you until they are fulfilled else they will rain their eyes out. The irony is that when they cry, their isn’t a single drop of tear. Krevi is now on my lap. I thought the best way to keep him quite would be to lay him flat. The baby in anyone else’s lap would have laid like a gentlemen from Mannersland. Though in my lap he thought of being creative. I am deep into an awkward uneasy zone where everyone wants to check by baby handling prowess. Only to see me fail.

Babies look good in Television, Movies or in some one else’s lap. Its like babies should be printed with a signal KEEP DISTANCE. Not everyone might agree with me. Especially my mother who has some divine powers that could silence any crying and make him/her smile too. No wonder, she tamed me now she can do anything. I would not go as far as saying that I hate babies. Its just that I am too conscious that they might cry or worse wet their undies.

One thing is very clear that children evoke great emotions in everyone. Something which I could relate with two incidents which shook the world across. One was much talked about where the images of Aylan Kurdi, a 3 year old kid trying to escape from refugee camps to safer areas lying dead on a secluded Mediterranean Sea. The image floated all over the Internet and instantly humanity started pouring into people. Countries who were reluctant to attend to refugees now opened their arms to welcome them. The second one is a news much closer to our nation – from Kashmir. The story of Burhan Bashir Bhat, another 3 year old shot dead along with his father an alleged militant. The flipside is that this news never brought the furore it should have brought. Kashmir was crying its heart out at the brutality of men donning the cloak of bringing peace. But everyone else untouched. Media too carefully sidelines itself from news from the valley. And subsequently the news along with the wailing shrieks died. Unlike Europe, India still is unaffected and chooses to play this event down. Even if there are any active steps taken they are not showing positive results.

I might be a little late in bringing out this article. Yet I thought to myself a pressing question of why shouldn’t this baby get the much needed attention ?

Hopefully he does. RIP Aylan and Burhan.

Worst Heart Break

So I am no love guru. And if you thought this post is all about my experience on break ups I’d be happy to disappoint you. This piece is something more serious and dreadful than a break up. I happen to encounter this incident a few days ago in Metro and I had an instant heartache.

It was a usual morning. Sunny day, children with their bags, grown ups with their suitcases readying up for the day. As a child, this moment used to be the hardest for me to leave my beloved home for the atrocious school. Later college changed this mindset, of late office seemed to have revived that vibe again (Hi Boss I know you are reading this).  Meanwhile I am standing at one of the Metro Stations to board a Metro to my office. I see hordes of corporate junkies around me. These people know the exact time when a Metro arrives , even when the metro is running late (they seem to have an organized network i suppose). And then there are the pretty ladies straight out from a fresh bath queuing up with their wet hair . Everything seems so clockwork. The metro arrives and the amazing race to snatch a seat begins as if it is the throne of the seven kingdoms (Game of thrones fans might relate). I have over the course of time left it to Gods above to find me a seat. But there are many who know that “Bhagwan ke bharose mat baitho kya pata bhagwan aapke bharose baitha ho” (read as Atheism rules).

Now the deadly sin is about to take place. One such lady packed with all sizes of bags trips and spills the food packed in one of those millions bags on to the floor. There you go !! I see 2 hearts instantly broken. One who got up while the alarms clock thought its still night and put in all sweat to cook the food in time. And the second is obviously the one who would have had the privilege to eat it. The misery does not end there because now she does not have anything to eat. Along with that she has to see the spilled food like a funeral of a close one. To add to that the knowledgeable crowd now has all sorts of advice, judgment ready as if they were waiting for anything like this to happen. Sympathy is pouring in from all heavens. The whole coach feels obligated to the wretched who packed the food and wants to mourn this unfortunate incident. I am reading my newspaper and feeling sorry for the food. Cause food surpasses any love story and any break up. It needs no affection it needs a good connoisseur.It satisfies your needs as well as makes you forget all misdeeds.

The lady gets down on the next station. The people are back to their business. And I am recovering from the heartache trying to console myself its the food and not the feeling that office is here.

Vaishno devi : An unusual place for secularism

One of the most revered and pious place for Hindu followers is Vaishno devi. Millions of staunch believers of god vaishnavi visit this sacred place. Situated at around 6000 ft the place remains busy throughout the year. India being a country with diverse ethnicity respects and accommodates every religion. So a holy place for Hinduism does not keep it aloof from the secularism. Beleive it or not 40% of people in vaishno devi are Muslims.

This is where things begin to get interesting. Vaishno devi is situated in Jammu kashmir, predominantly populated with Muslims and Kashmiri pundits. Punjab with its jolly nature Sikhs caress the borders of J&K. This explains the influence in the chants of “Jai Mata Di” in a crowd. A contrast is evident as soon as a person from southern India sticks his chant of “Jai Mata Ji”. It immediately reminds you how people are careful of their inherent customs.

Lets delve deeper. The custom proclaims to cover an uphill distance of 13 km on foot. You would see people barefooted covering the distance. You would see toddlers, barely able to cry properly, exclaiming “Jai Mata di”. And for those who want to cover the distance with much ease there are palanquins (doli), horses and even helicopters. The owners and workers behind these modes are majorly Muslims. . Not denying the strength and upkeep of doing these jobs but this is how we grab opportunities. And this opportunity quickly becomes an exploitation of the rich willing to pay.

So now that you are aware of the Vaishnodevi. It might seem foolish to take so much pain to visit it. Apart from a temple and a little adventure there seems no attraction in Vaishno devi. Religion can sometime dazzle you with its remedies. And people are hungry for such magic pills. One thing these places surely do is increase hope for betterment. Hope is nothing but the will to acheive something. And most things are a game of will power. It is the will of people to coexist happily in a place. Whereas there are places like Kashmir where peace can never be permanent due to lack of will.

Vaishnodevi should be a lesson for every place in the world where secularism has raised not only questions but has also been a reason of war. None of us own the piece of land we live on. None of us own the lives of our loved ones. But we can always love the ones around us to own a better life.

Do I have a reason to write ?

A very pressing question while I write this piece of my mind is “Do I have a reason to write ?”.

The first thing that comes to my mind while I hit every key on my laptop is that I have gone insane. The fact that neither do I have any proficiency (Spell check tells me my spelling of proficiency is wrong. Again !!) in writing nor do I know what will I be writing. This brings me to a logical fact that I might be in need of a psychological vent (I don’t even know what that means..Sounds cool though). Or is it that I need an immediate assistance from a psychologist ? Well, let’s not get too real.

Writing a blog is not something that I am doing for the first time. I have done it in the past which by all means broke all record for my naivety. The blog had my daily account of one of my summer holidays while I was preparing for a highly recognized and an overrated exams. The blog taught me one thing how things changed in all these years. How my thought process, priorities and people around me revolutionized (Yes, I used to be quite different back then). And sometimes the person who can motivate you the best is you – the person of Christmas past (Christmas carol eh ?).

So slowly while I beat around the bush,I am getting a response on the question I raised myself at the start. When you run out of ideas to keep up the pace of life – LOOK BACK. Its been an year in the corporate world .And things have changed every freaking day. Sometimes I feel like a fat man running on treadmill.Though I have tried to remain the person I was in college but alas !

In my view, manners don’t maketh a man, its the people you be with. People around you have a lot more influence on you than you think. These are some random weirdos which you choose as your friends. You invest your time in them and quickly they become your lifelines. You stop investing in them and BOOM !! Back to random people again.

The struggle of accepting the present is one the toughest jobs. The one who has mastered it (not me, anyday) has cracked the code. But one must never forget the investment done once. The friends we make maketh us. We are our only possession. To acknowledge their presence at any point of my life I sought to write. Thanks for being there.

And for my Christmas future I’d say “Mutual funds are subject to risk. Please choose wisely“. (ifyouknowwhatimean)

Phew!! it wasn’t that hard.